Rachel signing out....
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Yeah, so the other day I had a test....I did not do so well but yeah, thats not quite the point. The main point is how the professor referred to me, as having done very poorly. The disdain was quite evident, and I have decided that this particular professor is quite cruel. I mean she is a wonderful accompanist and a great pianist, but she really has little to no respect for her students. She has a tendency to single those out that she does not feel are doing well and basically attack them until they get better. One of the students in my class dropped it because of the way this professor was treating her.
It really leads me to wonder how she still teaches, because this is not conducive to a good learning atmosphere. She is pushing students away that want to learn, you are supposed to encourage and support your students, not demean them. Its like the second you don't keep up with her standards she takes it like you are insulting her, and she treats you like crap for it.
Well I am going to show this bitch, and I am going to prove her wrong, it will take some work, but seriously, she needs to show her students some respect. Sure I could have practiced more, but I also have other things in my life, my violin practice, homework for all my other classes, there is a lot in my life I am doing. I mean piano competency is just one small part of a music degree and she is treating it like its some factory designed to put quality pianists out. Not everyone can keep up to your standards, and if they aren't, your supposed to support them not treat them like scum under your feet. You are not better than us, you are just more skilled, so stop acting so damned superior.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Yeah, I have to stop drinking wine at night, I gets super tired, right now I am about to faceboard. For those of you who do not know that means I am about to pass out with my face landing on my keyboard. Leaves you with funny marks on your face when you wake up in the shape of your keys.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Ok, so I got home from my support group meeting, really was just a few of us and we talked for fun and watched a documentary. I wasn't that tired yet so I slid a lasagna into the oven, but it takes a while, and now I feel like I'm about to pass out. I have to keep an eye on the food in the oven so I don't burn the place down. Stupid tiredness....
Monday, April 12, 2010
Yeah, I love being a woman, and all that entails, but really the hormones can get on my nerves sometimes. I mean they are helping me become the woman I am, my skin feels softer, i finally am having some decent breast growth. I am feeling more and more like a woman every day, but yeah crazy stuff happens. I take injected hormones so it creates a hormonal cycle, and supposedly it helps the effect of the hormones. It makes it so my body handles it in cycles instead of becoming desensitized to it thus slowing growth.
It also gives me a period.....
I know, I don't have a uterus and I don't bleed once a month, but the rest of it is still there. When i first take the shot every month, within the first couple days I'm hornier than a desert lizard. And it just doesn't go away, I stay horny until a few days later when it finally settles down. It all stays normal for a while and no big deal until it gets to the last week before my next shot.
That last week I always feel all hormonal....or lack thereof....either way I get all moody, gasey, little cramps here and there. I definitely get PMSey, going off the handle at the slightest thing, whether that be anger or just breaking down and crying. I feel ugly, like I'll never be a true woman, like I am some sick freak. I just hate myself during this time, and just about anything sets me off, and its just really hard to focus.
If you didn't get the hint from the ranting, I'm in the latter time at the moment and I'm on the verge of tears. I feel stupid for being all emotional over nothing, but I guess thats the price for being a woman. I may be all emotional right now, but over all I am very happy with myself as I go, I may wish it would go faster but I am happy. I feel the mask coming off slowly, and it is a nice feeling to be free of the oppression of the fake male persona I had created.
I may have had crazy chocolate cravings before (I do love chocolate) but now I KNOW why women eat it when they are depressed.....it helps.