Sunday, January 30, 2011

Been a While

Its been a long time since I have posted, and I always seem to get on here when I am feeling down, guess its a good place to vent.

Mostly just ranting about things that I am working on with my therapist, how I feel when I feel lonely. Its odd cause today was a really good day, played some magic at the card shop today and yesterday, so it was a lot of fun. In general my day has been pretty good up until about an hour ago, now I'm kinda depressed, with that empty heart feeling.

But I guess before I go into that, I am going to catch up.

In may I am moving to the Spokane area in Washington state, and hopefully my parents will be driving with me on the move for company. Going to be living with my best friend and her fiancée there, and I am looking forward to it. I will have gamers around me, I can get out of the house and have fun, and live my life. Also its closer to the ocean, and there is a better lgbt community out there. Iowa is just stagnating for me, I mean there is just nothing to do in this area, and now that I actually wanna get out of the house and do things.

Thats pretty much it.

As for the empty heart feeling, I just feel alone, I want someone to hold me but no one really around, and I don't wanna bug anyone just cause I'm depressed. Wishing I wasn't single, so I could have someone in my life to hold me when I'm feeling bad. Been talking to my therapist about my loneliness, and the problems it causes me, I either latch on to the first person I can (which often scares them off) or I push people away because I end up feeling sorry for myself. Its really stupid feeling like that, because I know this is keeping me from so many things in life, and maybe even finding said someone for me. Idk, its been a good week since I slipped into a depression like this, but that doesn't make it suck any less.

-sigh- Its not like there aren't people who love me out there, but I really want someone in my life, someone physically there to hold me, and stroke my hair, tell me everything is ok, make me feel like I'm not all alone. I just wanna be held right now....

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