Well.........FUCK

So yesterday I got a call from my mom not ten minutes after chatting with her and having a bunch of fun, that my grandmother had died.  So that had left me in a very melancholy mood most of yesterday, but when I was able to sit down and think about it, I thought that it was a good thing.  Its sad that she is gone, and I love my grandma and I miss her very much but things have been very hard for her.


Ten years ago my grandpa, her husband, had died of a heart attack in his sleep, and she had been going downhill ever since.  She had always had medical problems, diabetes and lactose-intolerance being two of the few medical issues she had, and she just got worse.  She started going senile after he died, not remembering who she was, or who her children or grandchildren were.  And when she fell a few months ago and broke a bone, she just hadn't been healing well and was in pain and bedridden.


So yes, I am very sad my grandma is gone, and I am going to miss her a whole lot, but at least she isn't in pain anymore.  She was having a very hard life, being without her husband of fifty years for ten years, she outlasted the average, I have heard most people don't outlive their spouses by five years at that age.  So in the end I am happy she is finally no longer in pain, not having to live every day without remembering hardly anything of her long and wonderful life.  I am happy for the years and the time I have had with her, and I love my grandma very much, so I am happy her pain is finally over.


Kind of difficult to be consoling to my parents though, because they believe in a deity, and I do not, they believe in an afterlife and I do not.  So my parents are saying "she is in a better place" and "she is with grandpa now", and all I can do is just mumble in mock agreement.  I am not going to say anything, I don't want to do that to my parents, but its just hard to talk about it with them with such a fundamental difference in belief.  They know I am an Atheist, but when you are in grief these are the things you go through, you want to think they are in a better place, and I am happy that that makes my parents more comfortable.