Monday, September 28, 2009


This is just my luck, this happens every time I get my hopes up that maybe I won't spend my life as the old maid with no one to love. I meet someone who seems interesting and something always happens and then here I am stuck crying alone again. I am getting so sick and tired of being alone, with only myself to cry with.

I was talking to this one girl online, she doesn't live too far from me actually, she was just so cool. She is a tranny like me, only into women like me, and things as we were talking were just seeming to click, it seemed so perfect. Well it apparently ended up to perfect to be true, for there was a wrench thrown in the works. She is christian, and while that isn't a problem for me because I love people for who they are, not what they believe, but it apparently is a big deal with her.

Her reasons are admirable, she just doesn't want to see someone she loves damned to an eternity in hell. It seems an innocent enough, and i admire someone who cares, but the thing is I'm pagan, I don't believe in any of that. Still I was staying open minded and hoping that maybe this could work, but she doesn't seem to think so.

I'm still going to try talking to her more, find out more, and see if we can find some middle ground. It is just that it is a big deal to her, and I can respect that, but I cannot change who I am. I started my transition to become who I am, to take off this mask that I hate so very very much. I cannot put that mask back on, and changing my beliefs so that I am not alone anymore would be doing just that. I would just start to spiral downward and start to resent her, and I don't want to feel that towards anyone. I am hoping for something to work out between us, maybe we could come to an understanding and still maybe be together........I am not having much hope in that department fact I'm crying while typing this.

It is just that I am getting so tired of being alone, feeling empty every day, incomplete. I want someone to be there with me, and every time I try something happens and my heart gets thrashed. I don't know why I try anymore, it just hurts every time.......I am going to talk to her more though, I want to see if something can be made of this without changing who I am.

Who knows though, still....looks like im going to be crying myself to sleep tonight......again. Wish I could have posted something happier....but that seems not to be my luck.

Blessed Be

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