Monday, June 7, 2010

Telling Friends

Well I now only have two more of my high school friends to tell that I am trans, for I told one of my last remaining high school friends last night. He took it very well, even going so far as to be fairly inquisitive about the whole thing. He mainly just wanted to make sure it was all safe and that the risks were minimal, because he is my friend and he worries, thats what friends do. It is nice though that he took it well and is still talking to me and keeping touch, so his acceptance is not just a cover up of feelings.....sadly my dad isn't even being that kind of accepting.

I have two friends left to tell though, one who is in California at Berkley, and another who is currently living in either Virginia or Maryland, I cannot remember which. The last two might be the more difficult to convince, but hey, if they are my friends they will accept enough to know that this makes me happy and a more full and fulfilled human being. I am pretty sure they will be fine with it, in fact the only people I have told that have had problems with it......well is really only one person and that is my father.

Still no word on the Dad front, he is still helping me and talking to me, but he is still in denial about the whole thing. I guess the going full time might get him to finally deal with this, or he might go further into denial and either not talk to me or still treat me like "Robert" at which point I would start to ignore him due to my own impatience. It is not something I would be proud of but I can tend to get a bit problematic when I am angry.

I hope he can deal with it, because I really do want his approval. I mean I have always had my mother's approval, as long as I do not do something self destructive I know my mother is always there for me. She accepts me for who I am no matter who I am, and I know that I do not have to impress her or work for her approval or her pride, for she is always proud of me. My father on the other hand I have always wanted his approval and you have to work for it, although it is easier for me than it is for my brother for some reason. Either way this particular subject seems to be a sore point with my father, and he may never deal with it and I may have to come to terms with that fact.

I guess there is nothing I can do but wait and see what happens, and just live my life as a Musician, as a Pagan, and as a Woman.

Blessed Be

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